How to create non-alcoholic drinks that are not bitterly disappointing

~ Or, how to master the soda ~

The Prickly Pear Fizz

IN A moment, I will tell you the universal ratio that you need to make delicious non-alcoholic drinks that will delight the abstemious, the unwell, the devout, the underage, the hungover, the observant and the moderate alike.

But first, I need to tell you the secret to non-alcoholic cocktails. For there is a secret, it’s encoded right there in the title of this post - only it is more of an anti-secret. It is quite simply this.

*Stop pretending that they are cocktails*