The Spirits #40: The Piña Colada

~ Wait. Does this have alcohol in it? ~ To cream or not to cream ~ Dognosticism ~ Any song but that one ~

ENJOYING THE SPIRITS? Join the ‘Cabinet’! Subscriptions really do help me keep this show on the road. The Cabinet is like the Spirits, but each mail will focus on a different ingredient as opposed to a different cocktail. Maraschino next!

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~ THE PIÑA COLADA ~

45ml light rum (I used Bacardi Carta Blanca)
100ml pineapple juice
30ml coconut milk
20ml golden sugar syrup
~150ml crushed ice

Place everything into a LIQUIDISER and blend at high-speed for no more than five seconds. Pour unstrained into a tall glass and garnish with umbrellas, glacé cherries, pineapple wedges and fronds, etc, and serve with a straw. Or, failing that, a lime wheel. I made that sound quite simple. However: see below.

Some Piña Colada notes:

1) You can shake this and then strain it into a glass will with cubed ice, if you like. Indeed this is probably the “safer” way to make this drink if you have no blender, a second-rate blender and/or inadequate ice (NB: if you put large cubes of ice into a flimsy blender, you can quite easily break it.) A Nutribullet is best in my experience.

2) …Even worse than breaking a blender, of course, is having a too-dilute cocktail. This is why I say blend for only five seconds and to use crushed ice too. (Break it up beforehand by wrapping in a tea towel and cudgelling). The even consistency is crucial if you want the drink to turn into a luscious suncream-y snow as opposed to a Solero that’s melted in a paddling pool. As I say, it’s better to rely on a tried-and-tested shake.

3) Totally works without the rum!

4) Those of you who followed my advice re: Green Chartreuse may like to know that there is such thing as a Chartreuse Colada, known as a Piña Verde: 45ml green Chartreuse, 45ml pineapple juice, 15ml coconut milk, 10ml sugar syrup, 15ml lime juice. Blend with ~200ml crushed ice and serve with mint.

5) A drizzle of Angostura bitters over the top is extremely tasty.

WHAT’S THAT MUSIC? And come on in, the water’s lovely.

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I am Richard Godwin and this is my newsletter. You will find instructions for making sugar syrup, grenadine, orgeat ice, etc here and my 10 RULES FOR MAKING COCKTAILS here. I have also assembled some bottle recommendations for a cabinet here - and here is the full archive of weekly specials. Do please share the Spirits with anyone who might like it - and feel free to tag me with your creations on Instagram or Twitter. Also scroll to the bottom for what to get in for next week! And please consider subscribing for the full experience! 👇

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THERE IS nothing quite like a Piña Colada on a sweltering day, ideally at a swim-up bar with a slight sunburn. Alas, few cocktails have been so sinned against as the Piña Colada. There is that thriced-cursed song - arguably the worst yet recorded? And there have versions served over the years with all manner of nonsense in them. Much like spaghetti carbonara, it’s not supposed to have cream in it. Or, indeed ice cream. (I mean you are going very wrong if you make your carbonara with ice cream). There remains much confusion too, as to whether the Piña Colada chould contain light or dark rum, or lime juice, or bitters. Ah, but here’s the thing: even if you do make it as a sort of boozy tropical milkshake, it’s still going to make you smile. I think this, rather than absolute fidelity, is the thing to remember here. The best one I ever had, after a scuba diving trip in Antigua, I seemed to recall, involved condensed milk. Oh to be on there right now!

The original was invented by Ramon ‘Monchito’ Perez (above) at the Caribe Hilton in Puerto Rico in 1954. And when Señor Perez invented it, it was simple enough three ingredient affair: white Puerto Rican rum; pineapple juice; and Coco Lopez Cream of Coconut from a can. Coco Lopez come is not to be confused with your ricen’n’peas type coconut milk; it’s more like the liquified insides of a Bounty bar, extremely sweet. You can buy it from cocktail specialists. But you can also make a DIY version by combining an ordinary can of coconut milk with basic sugar syrup. Be sure to shake up the can before you use it to emulsify it.

I do heartily recommend messing about with the Piña Colada. By all means, lob in fresh pineapple, creme de banane, falernum, green Chartreuse, coconut sorbet, mango, melted white chocolate(?)…. - but I do recommend trying it first in its simplest formulations before you do that. And actually the genius of Perez’s original drink lies not only in the legendary combination of pineapple and coconut but in what he left out, too. I’m sure it occured to him to introduce lime juice - but if you make it without, you end up with a subtler, creamier drink with just a touch of pineapple tartness. Equally, leaving out actual cream keeps it light, frothy and refreshing enough that you can play a game of beach volleyball afterwards. And while a decent glug of a funky dark rum really won’t hurt it, actually I rather like a floral light rum here. It’s subtle but more than that it’s stealthy. Perhaps the crucial thing about a Piña Colada is that it should creep up on you.

🥥🍍🥥🍍🥥🍍🥥🍍🥥🍍

RIGHT. That is it for a couple of weeks. I am going on holiday! Not to the Caribbean alas but not far off (Devon). Expect a rejuvenated Spirits back in your inbices (the plural of ‘inbox’) on Friday the whatever that will be of August. Subscribers to the Cabinet may look out for EVERYTHING THERE IS TO KNOW ABOUT MARASCHINO in the meantime. And you never know, perhaps I will use this time off to do some advance planning and get ahead with a whole bunch of these?

Drink responsibly in the meantime, won’t you.

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PLAYLIST

A little light summer playlist for you! I reserve the right to do a little after the fact tinkering but here are some just basic sunny songs I kind of like at the moment.

THIS PLAYLIST UPDATES AUTOMATICALLY EACH WEEK. Here is an ongoing archive of past songs.

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THINGS TO READ

I wrote about the strange modern approach to dog ownership, whereby people think that you can never have too many dogs, that it’s hilarious to dress up dogs in human clothes, and (most cruel of all) that dogs should be brought into offices. For this, it was decreed that I must be photographed with a dog on my head. (Observer Magazine)

I loved Isabella Tree’s book Wilding about how she and her husband turned their unprofitable, polluted Sussex farm into a haven for wildlife - simply by letting the animals roam free. I therefore jumped at the chance to get down there and interview her. This was a joy to do... though the tale of shortsighted councils and Tories in bed with housing developers imperlling it is all-too depressingly familiar. (The Times)

I’d urge you towards Alicia Kennedy’s excellent writing on tiki drinks in general and the Piña Colada in particular (Eater)

And Felicity Cloake’s exhaustive Piña Colada recipe test! (The Guardian)

SHOPPING LIST

I’m not sure my addled freelance brain can think that was ahead but OK! Gooseberries, sugar, lime juice, French vermouth, gin, egg white.

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